New Releases

Accepting Submissions

We’re an experimental press with strong preferences for anything on the disturbing side: escapades into surrealistic labyrinths of hate. lounging with crotch goblins in dungeons of hell, tortured memoirs by lapsed addicts, horrific and monstrous fucking tales, psychoerotic romance with something dead, etc.

Currently seeking authors for the following genres:

* Cyberpunk/Hacker Noir
* Bizzaro
* Pre/Post Apocalypse Mythology
* Surrealism Fusion
* Hallucinatory Horror
* Post Adolescent Angst
* Anything else that I find to be clever and original

submissions@evilnerdempire.com

UPDATED SUBMISSION GUIDELINES
[brought to you by the benevolent & mercifiul Minister Of PR....so PAY ATTENTION!!!]

Here is how it goes. First write a bio describing anything significant about you, along with your submission and submit them in either .DOC or .RTF format (you have plenty of time as I allot an extra 9 seconds so that gives you 10 seconds). Then being the masochist that I am, I will actually try to translate your babble into English and determine if it is worthy. If I find what you have submitted to be worthy, then congratulations, you had human genes somewhere in your ancestry, welcome to the empire! However; if I find my eyes and brains in pain from viewing your crap, then I will verbally abuse you and hopefully you will have the decency to aid the empire by abstaining from sex (can't have you polluting our gene pool further) and joining the military (I will recommend you for the rank of bullet catcher), as we do have a shortage of cannon fodder. Being the magnanimous man that I am (or maybe a little bit of a sadist too), I will make one concession and even have the rejects (no, not talking about you...yet...I mean the rejected submissions) posted in a separate area of our empire for all to ridicule (after I do so first). Then again, you are used to that. So is that understood?

What! You need to use the restroom now? See that sign over the door that says "Gentlemen enter here"? Ignore the sign and walk on through. Oh and please hurry as you are depriving some poor village of its idiot!!

Murderland Part I: h8 - by Garrett Cook

Jeremy Jenkins is angry. His job as a pharmacist is unrewarding. He argues with his girlfriend. He lives in America, where killing has been made legal and serial killers are hot celebrity athletes and have spawned Reap, a demented subculture with millions of fans. Beings from another dimension that only he can see are turning people into terrifying automatons and breeding machines and all he can do to stop them is kill. America has become a scary place for Jeremy Jenkins and it might just get scarier. Can Jeremy reconcile his visions of a dark future with the reality of a twisted present? Jeremy’s earth shattering two-fisted pulp destiny begins.

Eyes Falling Down - by Jeremy NeeDLE

Thade, just some guy, some forgotten punk reject; a widower living in the shadow of his undead marriage. The voice of g0d’s amnesia whispers silence in the cobalt night. 9 months now. His wife, Yvette, is missing and his tortured memory can’t come to terms with his doubt; his fear. Did he ever really know her? Did he do it? Of course he didn't. Because of course he did. Wandering, wandering into the hopeless day; the nuclear winter of his soul. Lost; until one day a piece of paper with several AOL credit card accounts slips itself into his lunch: “Yvette Davina” – her maiden name

She left everything. Her keys. Her phone. Her car. All her clothes hanging like delirious fabric in the visceral closet. Dinner in the oven, her little signature. Her alien fingerprints.

Wallowing on his stomach, hallucinating the nightmare of his wife's death; dreams of heaven's crest forever grounded. And in all the confusion, Nancy is sacrificed. And Tracy wanders into his life, drunk and sick and menacing advances. The only answer to the unraveling world around him comes from the mind of an ancient predator, Joshua. The vacant eyes of something primal; timeless.

“Living in both worlds is no longer possible.”

And all this drops at his feet as it pulls him in.

Coming In the 4th Quarter of 2008

Anti-Paladin Blues - by Jess Gulbranson

It's hard out here for an antipaladin.

The city of D is in trouble. The forces of 'good' want to keep the people down, by using an iron fist in a velvet glove- but they're going to draw back an iron stump if Kannon has anything to say about it.

The world needs an antihero. Here he is in demonic armor, joined by an unorthodox wizard, an alchemist trying to break the glass ceiling, and the "Last of the Red-hot Archliches" as they hack-and-slash their way through an irreverent postmodern bloodbath, dragged kicking and screaming from behind a GM's screen in your mom's basement.

Murderland II: Life During Wartime - by Garrett Cook

Jeremy and Cass have declared war on the world of Reap, but Jeremy's visions of the Dark Ones still haunt him. The answers are at the mall in Connecticut, where an old friend and some new allies join the battle, like the homeless street preacher General Lud and Inscrutability Jones, the king of the Connecticut underworld. The world of mechanized hatred and bestial violence has a new enemy and his name is Mr. 400, a controversial vigilante that will turn the Reap world upside down in a number of ways. The battle will be long. There will be many casualties and along the way dark secrets will be uncovered and prophecies of doom will echo. Things are heating up and will culminate in an explosion that will change Jeremy's life forever. Mr. 400, the lightning from God, will have to strike true.

More Coming!