New Releases

Accepting Submissions

We’re an experimental press with strong preferences for anything on the disturbing side: escapades into surrealistic labyrinths of hate. lounging with crotch goblins in dungeons of hell, tortured memoirs by lapsed addicts, horrific and monstrous fucking tales, psychoerotic romance with something dead, etc.

Currently seeking authors for the following genres:

* Cyberpunk/Hacker Noir
* Bizzaro
* Pre/Post Apocalypse Mythology
* Surrealism Fusion
* Hallucinatory Horror
* Post Adolescent Angst
* Anything else that I find to be clever and original

submissions@evilnerdempire.com

UPDATED SUBMISSION GUIDELINES
[brought to you by the benevolent & mercifiul Minister Of PR....so PAY ATTENTION!!!]

Here is how it goes. First write a bio describing anything significant about you, along with your submission and submit them in either .DOC or .RTF format (you have plenty of time as I allot an extra 9 seconds so that gives you 10 seconds). Then being the masochist that I am, I will actually try to translate your babble into English and determine if it is worthy. If I find what you have submitted to be worthy, then congratulations, you had human genes somewhere in your ancestry, welcome to the empire! However; if I find my eyes and brains in pain from viewing your crap, then I will verbally abuse you and hopefully you will have the decency to aid the empire by abstaining from sex (can't have you polluting our gene pool further) and joining the military (I will recommend you for the rank of bullet catcher), as we do have a shortage of cannon fodder. Being the magnanimous man that I am (or maybe a little bit of a sadist too), I will make one concession and even have the rejects (no, not talking about you...yet...I mean the rejected submissions) posted in a separate area of our empire for all to ridicule (after I do so first). Then again, you are used to that. So is that understood?

What! You need to use the restroom now? See that sign over the door that says "Gentlemen enter here"? Ignore the sign and walk on through. Oh and please hurry as you are depriving some poor village of its idiot!!

Lets not mince words about our purpose. We are here to take over the world. Period.

Phase I of our conquest for world domination is the creation & distribution of propagnda materials for the masses.

Phase II will be the conscripting of hookers into a powerful, trans-planar succubi army, and the creation of giant floating pyramid surrounded by fire-breathing gargoyles and an endless army of ravenous undead.

Phase III will be the actual invasion, whereby all territories will be conquered, annexed, traded for electronic devices, thus rendering national borders meaningless and all economies bankrupt.

If you share our vision, then drop us a line & join the conquest

NOTE: MUST BE EVIL
no paladins or celestials
necromancers and sith encouraged
abyssal or infernal welcome
sapient undead only please

Evil Nerd Empire
Emperor N33DLE

P.S. Of course not everyone will be able to grasp the complexity of our mission; however comprehension is not a requisite for obedience.

Obey peasants, and your lives may yet be spared.